Pre-Marital Work

Although a wedding seems like it should be the most exciting and important time in a woman’s life, I want to make sure that I am not losing site of what it is really about: a “marriage.” I decided that I want to keep these as separate topics because I feel like it is easy to forget one when focusing on the other.

Working in the wedding industry, sometimes you will see examples of people who want the wedding more than they really want the marriage—which is probably a good reason why our divorce rate is so high. It is easy to get wrapped up in a romanticized idea of what you think your relationship is, or what you think it will be when you have a ring on your finger- and when you realize that “it is what it is” (a famous Nichole saying) you might just decide it isn’t really what you want.

Before we got engaged, Matt and I did a lot of talking about the subject and what it actually means to us and our relationship. We both want to make sure that we have a solid foundation to build on- and I must say, I am really lucky that I found a man that finds this as important as I do. We certainly aren’t perfect by any means, we have a lot of things that we still need to work on- but the fact that it is so important to both of us is what makes me realize how much I want to commit to him.

After we went to go look at rings together (a few months ago), Matt suggested that we stop by a book store to pick up some pre-marital books. I have been wanting to do some workshops or counseling, but it is really hard to find any sort of program like this without any religious affiliation. So, books were really a great solution for us. We can read them to each other in our own time and  then talk about what we agree and disagree with as we go. I really suggest taking turns reading out loud to each other because then you can stop when something comes up that you find interesting or noteworthy- plus then you both know you are on the same page….literally. Matt usually does the reading out loud, he has one of those amazing, “book on tape” sort of voices.

The book that we are currently reading is called: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

I would recommend this book to anyone who is thinking about getting married, or maybe if you are already married or newlywed. It brings up a lot of topics that got us talking. You can also get the workbooks (we got ours) to go along with the reading. There is a men and women version and you can fill them out together and talk about each exercise as you go. It helps reiterate the things you already know about each other and also helps to learn new things as well as bringing up hidden expectations that you may have of one another- which could prevent fights. We have fallen behind on our readings—but are making it our goal to pick back up over the holiday weekend.

I have an amazingly wonderful cold, which has shamefully resulted in me cuddling a box of  Whitman’s Sampler chocolates and watching Gossip Girl (which Matt says is the most annoying show I have watched so far…which says a lot!) on Netflix.

I know, its disgusting.



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