At some point I may go back on these words, but I have to say that at 20 weeks of my pregnancy that I am really finally starting to feel like myself…better even. Just sweatier, but I think that’s called “the glow?”
As someone who has been trying to get pregnant for a quite awhile, and became almost obsessed with the task (okay, actually because obsessed) it weighed very hard on me that I really wasn’t enjoying my pregnancy. It almost makes you feel guilty that you don’t feel good- and as a busy working woman, it is REALLY hard to carry on acting like you are at 100% when you feel like you might die. I kept telling myself in agony, “this is worth it, this is for my baby, you wanted this- remember?” And from the morning sickness that lasted until 6:00 pm (that can only be described as your worst hangover and most painful day of your period mixed together) to the awful back pain that would leave me crippled on the floor sobbing, to the horrific insomnia…I didn’t “love” being pregnant, and I felt guilty for that.
Now I am finally starting to remember what it felt like to be “normal.” Sure, I have a belly in the way- and my ankles hurt more often, but I feel like “me.” My husband thinks I am sexy, and somehow I FEEL sexy. And I definitely LOOK pregnant, which makes me feel like people understand and can sympathize when I might be having an “off” day. (I really think that is one of the worst things about the first trimester- feeling like shit and not feeling like you have an excuse for it since you don’t LOOK pregnant, and often times people still don’t even know you ARE pregnant!)
I am in the beginnings of feeling our little guy move around. I can only describe the feeling as “muscle twitches” sort of- and when I put any pressure with my hands- it feels like something is certainly squirming around in there! Woah- that’s my kid! Seems crazy that he is just a sweet little banana that will one day be raising all sorts of hell (if he is anything like his father). I really can’t wait to meet him!