Women are more than Equal.

It’s been a really hard past couple of weeks for me. My mom who had been helping me with the baby during the day has started back up teaching for the fall. Now I am left to figure out what to do with this squirmy, drooling, teething little old man who has an unhealthy obsession with his mama while also needing to be bringing in half the bacon.

Women’s Equality Day…yay working moms!

Now debating what my options are- who is left to suffer? Is it my job as a mother, my job as a business owner, or am I ultimately the one who is suffering? Currently, I am doing my best to keep up with the first two- and now I *AM* the one who is suffering. I am not taking care of myself because I have business and a baby to take care of. Every second I am with my son, I am guilty that I am not working- and when I am working, I feel guilty for not giving 100% attention to my son, now if I take time for exercise or ‘me time’- who’s time am I taking for that?

After a long talk with the husband in bed about my struggles and fears about putting our first and only in ‘duh duh duuuhhh—daycare’ (all I can think about is a swarm of peanut-butter faced toddlers bullying my sweet angel, I know- I’m crazy). He will never know how I really feel no matter how well I try to explain it. “Like, imagine you are doing your current job in 8 hour shifts- then all of the sudden someone says, ‘you need to do the same work, but I want you to do it in 12x twenty minute increments while someone is yelling.'” That’s the best I can explain it. Oh, but then on top of that- you need to add breastfeeding and GUILT.

Being a working mother is SO HARD.

I now look at how many working mothers there are (oh my, and SINGLE WORKING MOTHERS- like my Mama) who are so amazing. After seeing all of these “Women’s Equality Day” posts on Facebook tonight, for some reason I felt the need to spew some of my own word vomit in recognition of so many incredible women are out there making their mark. Even though we have been fighting to get women to an ‘equal’ status, they deserve SO MUCH MORE than that.

In my struggle, I really celebrate all of the strong working mothers who are role models for me in these times of weakness.

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